There is so much I wish to say, to ask, to know.

I'm biting my tongue. I know nothing good will come of it.

But still my mind is scrambled.

For a girl that cannot sleep on the best of nights attempting sleep on a scrambled mind is damn near impossible.

The light at the end of the tunnel doesn't seem within comfortable reach anymore.

This worries me.

I am a happy soul trapped in a not so happy mind.

A wise person once told me "to be left alone in a worried mind is not the best option" so you follow this through even though you know in reverse order you crave for nothing but solitude but then this in turn is in fact your undoing. It seems ironic, contradicting even.

To fall so quickly, easily and contently only makes the crash landing more harsh.
The heart longing for what wasn't there in the first place (perhaps) and the mind saying I told you so in a patronising tone whilst it attempts to rebuild the brick wall it had carefully in place before Cupid came crashing through mallet in hand (fuck the bow and arrow.)

To be told all the right things, to make you yearn for more is a risky game to play. Even when the game is unintentionally played.

A round of applause is needed for the winning opponent in a game where no rules are set, you did the honorary thing. This I salute what I however do not salute is allowing someone to fall without the intention of catching.

To dream for the future, to pine for things you want to achieve is a good goal, what is lacking is stopping yourself from actually having these things. A dream is only good if you have an intention of reaching it.

💚

Confused

“We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken.”

If the above is true, what do you do?
If interest turns into butterflies and butterflies turn into an increased heart rate and then in turn a scrambled mind.
What is the right decision?
Do you go with it, after all all this combined is surely a good thing?
Or do you hesitate ensure your barriers are firmly up and take shelter behind a fort made of cushions and blankets?

What I wish to do and what I think I should do are completely different things, but which is the right decision?
If we do not allow ourselves to follow our heart then surely we never allow ourselves to experience fully.

So to sum up I am confused. Which path should I take and which path will I take?

💚