Why does the modern day woman infatuate over fictional characters?

Women's hearts were once occupied with wonder and yearning for Mr Darcy but as times change it appears so do women's taste. Nowadays Mr Grey is the new fascination.

Why do women fall madly and irrevocably in love with fictional characters that cease to exist?

No wonder the armies of men find us so difficult to understand, do we even understand ourselves?

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."

I remember the first time I read Pride and Prejudice I fell in love instantly. Mr Darcy in my opinion installed the need for a bad boy in me (no cheeky pun intended).

He is rude, abrasive, proud, mysterious and handsome and you can't help but want to tame him. But is it even possible to tame? Jane Austen certainly thought so but to be honest had Mr Darcy and Miss Bennet not ended up so passionately in love it wouldn't have made such a story and I would have sobbed into my pillow uncontrollably for quite sometime with deep disappointment and a fear that love is just a myth.

From a young age girls are set up to believe in fairytales, where the girl always gets the man. A knight in shining armour comes galloping in at the perfect moment and saves the girl from horror and dismay.

I believe in fairytales the same way I believe in magic, with longing hope, it inspires the mind and lets you believe that anything is possible. It opens the dark corners of your brain where the tax forms and other banal activities lie and let's your imagination run riot.

But when do you stop waiting on Mr Darcy, Mr Grey or Prince Charming (delete appropriate) ? Where do you draw the line under imagination and reality and accept the possibility that no man may ever live up to your expectations?

Perhaps that is why us women fall so deeply in love with the characters that we are never going to have. So when we have our heart broken we can return to these characters and believe that love is out there.

So dare to dream, Prince Charming is waiting, he may not be true to his fictional character, he may not be perfect, but he is real and he is yours.

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams"

Dr Seuss

Sexual promiscuity and the battle of the sexes.

Years ago if people were interested or intrigued in one another they would embark in courtship,

"Courtship is the period in a couple's relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. During courtship, a couple get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement. Gifts are exchanged. A courtship may be an informal and private matter between two people or may be a public affair, or a formal arrangement with family approval. Traditionally, in the case of a formal engagement, it has been perceived that it is the role of a male to actively "court" or "woo" a female, thus encouraging her to understand him and her receptiveness to a proposal of marriage. Within many western societies, these distinct gender roles have lost some of their importance and rigidity. It is now common for females in younger generations both to initiate relationships and to propose marriage."

(thank Wikipedia for the above.)

Nowadays a quick shot at the bar or a well timed song and grind on the dance floor can mean your night out will have a happy ending (please note: alcohol intake can seriously effect level of happiness achieved.)

What has happened to the dating scene, the butterflies in your stomach, the unknown and the over analysing of every detail in your head. It seems you are more likely these days to get a partner if you lower your standards a little and keep the morals to an all time low. Gone are the days when you catch each others eyes and look away quickly trying to hide the obvious red colour your face is now turning. Or you simply smile when the potential suitor says something that you don't understand, but want to make a good impression regardless. 

Where has the chase gone? 

Where has the mystery gone?

Part of getting to know someone is actually getting to know them.

I enjoy the conversations, the awkward silences, the nervous giggles. Finding your common interests and also creating new ones.

Now I am not saying that everyone one who has had a one night stand should be hanging their heads in shame after all part of growing up is making mistakes and learning from them.

These days so many women complain of men "only after one thing" well how about removing this from the table? If you want someone to fall head over heels for you simply remove sex from the equation (for now at least).

There is no point saying he was only after sex if you didn't give him the chance to get to know you before you let him see your bed room antics.

There is common saying that men are ruled by what is in their pants, if this is true then by offering them the very thing they are after you are by default to blame. I don't know many men who would turn down sex on a plate? 

To wrap this up if you turn a man down and because of this he isn't very interested  in you then chances are he's not who you are looking for.

Bob Marley is who I quote now as he seems to understand it perfectly;

"If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you wont give up. If you give up, you're not worthy." Bob Marley.

 

So stop blaming one another, if you want to have countless sexual encounters then go for it (literally).

And to women all around the globe guess what it isn't always the guys fault, so man up and take some responsibility.

"Easy is an adjective used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man. "

Nancy Linn-Desmond 

To cheat or not to cheat and the realisation that you may be the only faithful one at the party (metaphorically and literally.)

Being unfaithful is for me a cardinal sin (a serious error of judgement.)

Now for those who have been hibernating in a love filled room for the past decade or so; did you know that nowadays most marriages end in divorce?? A disturbing and truthful fact. Now I am sure that this is for a multitude of sins and isn't just because someone deemed it a good idea to open their legs to someone who wasn't their partner. However I bet that is a strong contender in the top ten reasons for divorce.

It may sound simple but here is my view ;

If you not only love someone but want to be with someone the answer is simple, love them and be with them.

If you are thinking about someone else then the chances are you really aren't that committed. In this day and age where a divorce is a right of passage it is going to take hard work and dedication to keep a marriage together. But surely that's what you do? I refer to the picture below and what the women says;

"We were born in a time when if something was broken we would fix it, not throw it away."

My grandparents were married for 50+ years, they argued like anyone else? She was the worst front passenger on a car journey and insisted he was going in the wrong direction all the time (he usually was) and he was the stereotypical grumpy old man that fell asleep as soon as he sat down. They would shout at each other; he would call her a stupid old woman whilst she called him a stupid old man but they loved each other, it was plain to see the admiration they felt for one another and if I aspire for anything in life it is that.

When my grandmother passed away the pain I felt was unbearable but the pain I felt when looking at my grandfather with tears rolling down his face was even worse, in that single moment I saw that they had done exactly what the woman in the picture says, they didn't give up at the first hurdle or run away at the first argument they stood strong with one another and fought the battles together as a team.

So why would I settle for any less? I want to look back on life with the man I love and recall our adventures, our ups and downs, our laughter, our tears and our family.

So when I reach a fork in the road with temptation being on one side and hope on the other I already know which path I will choose.

"Hope is a waking dream" Aristotle

Online dating.

Once upon a time talking on the Internet with a member of the opposite sex (or same sex if that's your preference) was highly disproved. If one did this it was kept very quiet, it was almost an embarrassment to have to resort to the Internet to find love. It was once a taboo subject, people would arrange to meet up with people and have a code word for friends just in case they ran in to trouble, yet nowadays it's the social norm.

I was in Starbucks the other day and over heard a table of three fairly attractive men discussing the newest people to sign up to pof (aka plenty of fish to all of you out of the loop) they were exchanging notes and giggling over pictures and messages sent. When did this become the new dating scene what happened to catching someone's eye on a train or across a library (yes I watch far too many romantic comedies) and simply saying hello.

Forgive me for wanting the fairy tale but I don't believe someone can sweep you off your feet from the other side of a computer screen?

Anyway against all of this I have in fact signed up. For what purpose I am still a little unsure but regardless my profile is out there.

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=39530115

"A catfish is someone who pretends to be someone they're not using Facebook or other social media to create false identities, particularly to pursue deceptive online romances."

The above description courtesy of urban dictionary describes a neurotic fear I seem to have developed. What if these fantastic people I am talking to are in fact 60 year old, balding men with more notches in their belt buckle than on their bedpost.

But surely anyone with an online profile is guilty of a little white lie here and there?

Take mine for example, it clearly states I am a carrying a few extra pounds, when in reality a lot of extra pounds may have been a better answer, in my defence there was no option of "eats too much cake"

so does this mean to say I am a modern day catfish?

I have had a cheeky gander at the "competition" out there and am mildly amused at what women deem appropriate in how to sell themselves. I have read countless captions stating "shine bright like a diamond" and the most common quotations comes courtesy of the lovely Marilyn Monroe;

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

I have also seen countless pictures where the norm is to reveal a little skin, scratch that a lot of skin, now is it just me that has deemed it appropriate to be honest and truthful? I have written my profile in the best manner I possibly could, revealing a little about me without giving the game away. I don't wish to mislead as many others appear to, and laugh if you may but I still believe that someone will like me for being me, all my quirky faults and all.

I receive numerous messages a day and I think in the past week or so have replied to just one, I need someone to inspire me to enjoy a conversation and to actually be interested I am not on there to fall in love I am on there to find a common ground and find a friend. A best friend is the basis of any good relationship, and even if a relationship is never brought to the table you always have your friendship.

So to all the girls selling themselves through nudity and false identities and to all the men who deem an appropriate first message being "I'd smash it" kindly think before you hit that send button and come and unbalance my happy medium, I have survived without you in my life so far and I think I'll manage from now on also.

And to everyone else too scared to write a profile or to put themselves out there in the words of Dr Pepper "what's the worst that could happen?" and what have you got to lose. You might surprise yourself with what you find.

I'm not a particularly religious person, I wouldn't go as far as saying I'm a complete atheist, I have done my spell in church choir (I was about nine) but a part of me sides with Charles Darwin.

I don't know if I'm comfortable resting my fate in one man, I have done that a few times in life so far and it hasn't ended well!

I think in this day and age religion is deemed more a fashion accessory or the latest craze for everyone to jump on board with.

I praise the people who stand up for their beliefs and stand strong for what they think is true.

Honestly I think believing in myself is the way forward, so on deaths doors I can look back on my life see the ups and downs, note the experiences that stand out and the ones best forgotten and know that my life has been mine.

"Je ne regrette rien."

That's what I want to say on my death bed, not god forgive me or god accept me. I have faith in myself to change the things that aren't going right, to live my life the way I see fit and to have fun doing so.

So to everyone who curses me for not saying my prayers at night and not saying grace at meal times, I shall take the Christian route here and wish you the best but I'm fine living the way I do.

God bless x

At what age do you graduate to adulthood? 

At what age is it inappropriate to blow bubbles in your drinks, to make a fort out of blankets and to wear your pajamas out of the house? 

I am twenty three and often share common amusement with my niece (six) and nephew (three) does this mean I am immature for my age or simply have the ability to toy with my inner child?

I have worked since I was fourteen, been through school and college whilst working full time I have done the mundane activities and anticipate having to do this for the foreseeable future so who says I can't drink strawberry milk whilst wrapped under a pirate blanket?

When did it become acceptable to stop letting children be children?

Children at the age of seven own a mobile phone and/or iPad  what happened to playing in the park, coming home covered head to toe in mud. We moan that the younger generation rely on materialistic objects and don't understand the simple pleasures in life, but has anyone actually looked at this properly and started blaming themselves? If you don't want a child spending six hours a day on an Xbox the solution is simple, don't buy them one, if you don't want your children singing along to crude songs don't let them listen to them.

Or if it is easier these days to sit your child down in front of Black Ops or Eminem then don't expect any better from them.

You want children to be children the answer is simple let them.

However until you do so i'll be sitting under the fort I've just made blowing bubbles in my milk.

You may not allow them to relish in the simplicities of childhood but good luck stopping me.

“What does not kill me makes me stronger.” 

(“Was mich nicht umbringt macht mich stärker.”) 

       Friedrich Nietzsche

The heart wrenching thought that perhaps things won't get better has haunted me today. I have made decisions in my life I perhaps wouldn't make again, I have grown up far too quickly and have had  experiences in my time to warrant the following description of history;

"History just seems to be one fucking thing after another" 

Now I am not a pessimist and pride myself on my ability to see the optimistic view point in most situations (albeit a small margin of "silver lining") however it saddens me to own up to my disagreement with Friedrich I don't believe his statement to be true, however publicised it has become (thank Kelly Clarkson for that.)

The situations or experiences that may haunt you do not make you stronger this is the hopeful statement people make to you in times of need as a get out of jail free card or escape route. In fact how you over come these situations and the person you are on the other side is down to you. Yes you may have people around you helping you (or rather thinking they are helping when really they are making things worse) you may even been helped along by medication but in reality it is only you who can pick yourself up brush yourself down and politely tell yourself to get the fuck over it.

So Friedrich thank you for your advice and philosophical view point however times change and in my personal opinion your statement is no longer valid. This day and age it is down to the individual, situations can help us grow, teach us a few lessons, even bring us to breaking point, but what they do not do is make us stronger we do that.